Title: Maui Journal – Feb. 1, 2009
JOURNAL OF REJUVENATION: A NEW DECADE
Feb. 1, Sunday 6:30 am
Rooster cries woke me from sleep around 4:30 and by 5 I could not resist their invitation to enjoy the starry morning. It was still dark when I performed the morning rituals & ablutions and went outside to walk barefoot in the dewy grass. I wove thru the lemon & orange grove soaking up the moisture from the air and ground, listening to the rustle of palm branches in the gentle breeze and the invisible chorus of roosters echoing across the valley, chanting to the dawn. Chanting stills the mind, and I found myself drawn into a deeper quiet by the repetitive crowing mantra.
I am upcountry on the island of Maui, drawn here by the magic of “the Great Sequencing Goddess”, the need to rejuvenate and also mark the beginning of my 7th decade.( An over-busy mind and schedule plus the release from 2 arduous years in braces, triggered a couple of months of fatigue & immune weakness, signaling the timeliness of retreat & renewal. Hawaii has been my place to recharge over the years, and when I checked in with my Ayurvedic practitioner friend Margo, she lined up a place for me to housesit for the price of utilities, next door to her home/studio; January tickets were cheap, so here I am).
Growing light silhouettes the breast of Mt. Haleakala and casts a rosy glow over the West Maui Mts. and the sea below. I am staying in a simple spacious one bedroom A -frame with a loft and windows capturing the 360* view. Currently rented by the business head of the Vipassana Ctr. here (she is off visiting HER mother in Arizona…!), the place is saturated with meditation and has the simple beauty & serenity of an ashram….the owners (who live in Tucson at the moment …!) as well as Margo (and others on the property), spend time every year at Ramana Maharshi’s ashram in Tiruvanamali, so his energy is palpable here. Surrounded by mts. and the sea, I feel the power of Arunachala-Shiva, as I rest on the breast of Haleakala-Shakti, the place of the Heart calling me Home.
Evening
I walked down the lane early this morning to join a couple of meditators on a veranda where we sat in silence for an hour overlooking an orchard sloping down toward the sea. Our host is a young man who lived for two years as a Buddhist monk in the forests of Thailand. A small family group who live on adjoining acreage gathers 3x/week for this morning meditation. We were led into stillness by late-crowing roosters, soft horse whinney, trilling layers of bird-call , distant murmur of voices, and the occasional flutter of a low-flying wing overhead.
Afterwards, I took a short ramble down pastoral roads before returning” home ” to sweep, clean the kitchen & get lunch kitchari started before heading over to Margo’s for treatments. Though Mother Maui herself and Ramana Maharshi are the resident Guru’s, I realized my main teacher here is a small rabbit who shares the front stoop morning and evening with three cats. The brown bunny leaves droppings morning and night plus small puddles of what looks like pee all over the little porch, right in front of the door and the statue of the presiding Goddess at the top of the stairs. I stepped out the first day into a squishy pile of pellets, and now I am just ready with a broom when I open the door. The routine is to whisk the deck clean, then dump the bowl of cat water onto the stoop and stairs & broom-scrub the residual offerings. I sat tonight with two of the stately cats in silence watching the sunset while the bunny scampered around. The cats hiss and snarl if he comes too close while they are eating, and earlier today I saw the rabbit streaking after one of the cats all the way across the lawn. Then, when I got down to Margo’s later for my session, he was there waiting for me as if to say YES, this is where you are supposed to be
GUIDES & TEACHERS
Having Ramana Maharshi show up so boldly here on my retreat serves well to help me anchor into my highest intention. Margo gave me a beautiful pictorial biography of his life, and I am rereading his story and his writings. Our Advent classes were based on his method of inquiry, so this is very meaningful as well. “Who am I?”
“Place your burden at the feet of the Lord of the Universe who accomplishes everything. Remain all the time steadfast in the heart, in the Transcendental Absolute. God knows the past, present and future. He will determine the future for you and accomplish the work What is to be done will be done at the proper time. Don’t worry. Abide in the heart and surrender your acts to the divine.”
“Merging the mind into the heart to realize the Self as non-dual Being and the Light of all, is the real significance of darshan of the beacon of light on Annamalai, the center of the universe.”…”Again, Arunachala is within and not without. The Self is Arunachala.”
“From now on let your whole thought in meditation be not on the act of seeing, nor on what you see, but immovably on That Which Sees.”
Sri Bhagavan would help in the kitchen work, giving great joy to the devotees who worked there. He demanded attention and perfection, and taught them the highest truths thru daily experience. He told them your hands may do the work, but your mind can remain still. You are that which never moves. Realize that and you will find that work is never a strain.”
“Santhosam” I am content.
S-L-O-W-I-N-G—- D-O-W-N
FEB. 3
Puffy clouds billowing against yesterday’s blue sky have morphed into a dark shroud this morning; the island is wrapped in gray. Out my big picture window, an east wind bends the palm trees & blows the rain in horizontal sheets across the lawn . I decided to stay in to meditate.
The BIG PICTURE is within as well as all around me. The gift of this place opens my eyes as never before. Sinking deeply into the daily annointings & Ayurvedic treatments, my eyes, ears, mind and heart realize the Truth that has always been present. Stillness reigns. My busy- mind plans, thoughts, anxieties & worries about future unfoldments, bodily health, work schedules & priorities begin to soften & dissolve into the vast silence of the Heart. They will surely recur and show themselves as the dancing ego, but inner guides and teachers here have reminded me that we are already totally Free and can meet & embrace our fears from the real ground of Self. We just have to decide , & choose to live our freedom. This is good news for me, whose mind occasionally creates such turbulent weather that I make myself physically sick. I have definitely overidentified with thought.
As this Maui storm swirls and howls around the house, I am content to just be here. Up till today it’s been sunny, but I’ve only driven the 20 min. to the beach once. I stopped at the grocery store to replenish the vegetables & fruit I bought on the way in. The island is loaded with attractions, shopping & magical places, and this is the first time I have been here and gone nowhere. Other than Margo and occasionally Jeffrey, I’ve spoken to no one, and this has also softened my face & mind. I sit, dance, (Susan has an amazing music collection), walk, do yoga, cook my simple meals, clean up, nap, read a little. I feel the heartbeat of the world here more strongly than other places, for some reason. Every time I come to Maui this has happened. Maybe it’s the poignant awareness of being on a small speck of land out in the ocean that brings the cries of the planet more loudly to my ears. Here I am always naturally impulsed to Tonglen & Metta practice.
JEWELS OF INSPIRATION:
“Dedicate a quarter of a second to the Self” – Poonjaji
“Who Am I?”
“‘Absorption into the Source’ or core of existence (the Heart) is what the paths of Karma, Bhakti, Yoga & Jnana teach.
When the mind withdraws from external objects of sense & beholds it’s own effulgent form, that is true wisdom.
Whence does this ‘I’ arise? Seek this within This ‘I’ then vanishes. This is the pursuit of wisdom. ” Sri Ramana Maharshi
As a Tantrika, I understand this Advaitic teaching well, and enfold it into the knowing that all sense objects also enshrine & reveal the shining truth “I AM” if we have the eyes to see! There is nothing that is not Shiva…the Heart is all-pervasive.
“The deeper the humility with which we conduct ourselves, the better it is for us. Everything that is offered to others is really and offering to oneself. Not to desire anything extraneous to oneself is Vairagya or Dispassion. Not to give up one’s hold on the self is Jnana or Enlightenment. Thus Vairagya and Jnana are really one and the same. Pledged to Vairagya, every aspirant must dive deep into herself and realize the precious Atman, the Self Absolute.”
-Ramana
There is more, but I need to move the body now!
THE ALCHEMY OF FOOD
Since last Friday I have eaten mainly kitchari. Every day I make it fresh & switch off the vegetables for a little variety. I rotate thru asparagus, beets, chard, kale, island carrots, sweet potatoes, squash, broccoli, onions, garlic, ginger, turnips, with fresh turmeric, & seeds of, coriander, fennel, cumin,,mustard sautéed in ghee. Sometimes I add salt & herbes de provence. And a tsp. or more of flax oil over all. The first couple of days, I added a few sardines for lunch. Ffor breakfast I make a warm shake with overnight -soaked almonds & dates with some stewed apple or pears and cooked Ezechial cereal. I will continue thru Thursday and then start adding different grains and slowly bits of fish & other animal protein. I haven’t missed sugar and am feeling lighter, and very grounded at once. Also, I have been eating enough that I haven’t lost weight. This is a a different kind of rejuvenation, with more emphasis on building & nourishing than cleansing. I will add some nourishing oil bastis toward the end of the week. The coriander-cumin-fennel tea , walking, asana, pranayama (& agni sara kriya)& my own warm- oil belly massages supplement Margo’s work and elimination of ” old stuff” on every level. Decided to do my Spring cleanse early so I can be ready to help the kula next month! Love the simplicity.
MORE WISDOM FROM THE EAST
From “Meeting Papaji”, a collection of essays gathered by Roslyn More
Enlightenment is here and now! We are all enlightened, but we don’t know it. Bondage is only a concept, he says. It’s not real. We can wake up from the illusion right now. All we need is a desire for freedom and one moment of inner silence. One moment between two thoughts, two breaths. No need to meditate or practice. ( Though I strongly believe making time regularly to be in meditative stillness is essential.; the postures for this can vary according to need and temperament.) Nothing to learn, nothing to do. Nothing to reach, grasp or understand. One only needs to keep quiet. That means not doing anything, not stirring a single thought, having no desire, no wanting, no attachment, no expectations.” Shanti Devi
Every person is realized. It is only doubt that makes you think you aren’t realized. When there is a new statue about to to be presented at a ceremony, and there is a sheet wrapped around it to cover it, is the statue there? Of course it is. When the sheet is removed you see the statue. Realization is always there, and you see itwhen the doubts are removed. Surendra
When Hui Neng was asked by one man “Please teach me the truth,” Hui Neng said the same words as Ramana: “Keep quiet.” When the man became quiet, Hui Neng asked, now when your mind is not dwelling on good or bad, at this very moment, who are you? What is your original face?” As soon as the man listened to these words, he at once became enlightened.” Chandra
The most that he (Poonjaji, disciple of Ramana) offers is a method to be quiet. When you just don’t follow thoughts, the Self that you are reveals itself naturally. And if people had a difficult time being quiet, then he would introduce the second method, which is self-inquiry.. When a thought arises, instead of following it, ask yourself, “To whom does this thought occur?” “What is this’ I’? “Where does this ‘I’ arise from? This is a simple way of turning consciousness back to itself. The method is direct. When consciousness turns back to itself, then that’s all there is, and the Knowing is present.”‘……When I arrived in Lucknow, satsang was taking place in his house right next to this busy road with taxis, rickshaws & traffic. It was the most chaotic, noisy, polluted scene, with the sound of cars honking all the time. The setting seemed like a distraction until I realized the immense freedom taking place in the middle of everyday existence. There was nothing romantic about it. There was always the filth and the garbage and the pigs nearby. But after awhile everything became extraordinarily beautiful. It became a magnificent sight. – Dasarath
From “You Are That – Satsang With Gangagi
There may be enormous pain in any individual life. Pain is part of the texture of life. It is the unnecessary suffering that habits of mind support. When pain is met as it is, as simply pain, it can be experienced as beautiful. It doesn’t need to be anything different. When it is rejected and something”not painful” is reached for, pain is experienced as suffering.
MORE MIDWIFERY
Wed. Feb. 4
Walking along country roads this morning inhaling the pungent scents of ozone mingled with subtle florals & warm horse hay after a day of rain…intoxicating. The brightness after gray seems incandescent…everything lit from within and swaying in the strong morning breeze. I am wrapped to minimize the vata-increasing effects of the wind… even tho’ Margo reiterated my classic book -case high vata, I couldn’t stay inside.
I have a macrocosmic, visceral sense here of kidney loop: resting back into the arms of the Mother. Behind me the presence of Goddess Haleakala as Source, the Universal; Her presence has helped me to let go and soften. Looking forward, the open ocean with new worlds for the personal self to explore.
I know Shakti is active everywhere and at all times, but sometimes her play is more apparent…like at dawn here on Maui. At night she rests in the arms of her beloved Shiva, slumbering in the depths of Haleakala, which rises behind my island house. Then before the first light she wakes, and in a lavish display of glory & generosity, she spreads herself across the sky with infinite variety of subtle shades & hues, illuminating the sea, mts., grasses & trees, so that all one can do is pranam in silent ecstasy or whirl across the lawn in wild praise of this miraculous unveiling of Self.
REBIRTH
Feb.5
Over the course of six days, Margo’s skilled, loving & deeply nourishing Ayurvedic treatments brought renewal to my body , reawakened bliss in every cell & cleared away mind-fog. ( I count my sisters’ birthday treat of a nurturing massage with our Goddess friend Carlysle the day before coming to Maui as part of this experience, so I was able to address all 7 dhatus – tissue layers- in the body with this retreat time.). Last evening Margo led me thru a restorative practice designed to support digestion & integration on every level. The accumulation of my surrender, & all procedures & therapies, has lifted the veil of confusion & restored great clarity to the mind. The luminous simplicity of insight will guide me in the days ahead as I readjust the emphasis of my yoga practice and work patterns to truly nourish myself at this cycle of life in accordance with my highest understanding. With all good intention, I have continued to choose a work pace & style of practice which has allowed vata to accumulate and exhaust me. I have had glimmerings of this over the past months & years and made little changes, but fears and the force of habit kept me doing basically the same stuff in the same old ways that worked as a younger woman and are simply not appropriate or desired by me anymore as I head into decade 7. I envision a life of vibrancy will continue to unfold that will include work & service and also be more internally focused, with lots more play, slower deeper yoga and meditative stillness, time in nature with those I love. Somehow I have been quite confused about how to create this shift, but not anymore. I guess I needed to take the vata edge off with oily nurturance – snehana – and the embrace of Mother Maui in order to really see the road to change.! Though I don’t know all it will entail, the direction is sure…it feels like a strong current of intention & knowing flowing from within.
“When you do things from the soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy…” Rumi
Speaking of seeing with all eyes, ,every day along with full-body abhyanga, I received nasya & karma poorana, therapies designed to open and purify the senses of sight and hearing and to balance prana vata. Thorough head and facial massage, working with important marma points, prepare one for the reception of oil in the ears & nose. The 3rd eye is anointed, and Margo also placed special vision-enhancing drops in my physical eyes (which stung at first and then immediately shifted into a bright coolness.),,This sense therapy, herbal powders, hrid basti (warm oil applied in a dough ring over the heart to calm & lighten and – as I experienced- draw the overactive mind into the heart,), two shirodharas (a 20 min. stream of warm oil over the forehead & crown,) and her amazing work on my neck and back completed the incredible transformation I slowly experienced over the course of a week. It is impossible to fully describe the accumulated effect of these treatments on the body and mind. As I felt my self coming back to life, on the second to last night I asked myself, “what happens, that I so lose track of the fullness of being which is possible for a human to experience?” I know myself again, in a grounded and calm way, and the worlds (inner & outer) feel vast & spacious.
SILENCE & SOLITUDE
I cannot overestimate the importance of the container for this experience: silence & solitude. It allowed such a deep receptivity to the full sensual experience of Maui, profound rest and Purvakarma. Also the Grace of many Teachers who appeared to challenge & inspire me – a priceless gift I did not expect. My location just a short walk from the place of treatment fulfilled another need for my overstimulated organism: : ease of access and no driving. Of course, the dietary protocol also offered cleansing & grounding support. Next year when I do this, I will give myself an additional week to just be still and integrate the changes before heading back . I will have an interim few days in Phx. with Aurora this year before heading home.
PAYING IT FORWARD
I am more convinced than ever of the need to bring these rejuvenation therapies into a wider understanding for the renewal of body-mind energies and the unfoldment of consciousness on the planet. They can really be incorporated as a lifestyle , into shorter programs and daily routines as we know. It simply requires understanding and discipline to reap rich rewards. And periodically, to withdraw for a time with the intention of a thorough detox, or primarily rejuvenation focus as I did. One’s age, weight and current condition will determine the emphasis. If a person is educated and prepared with a protocol, a self-administered retreat could curtail expense. But if one finds a trustworthy, nurturing practitioner and context, the aspect of surrender into the hands of such a therapist can allow a fuller release and rebirth. The optimal length, venue, & style of retreat chosen depends on one’s needs & resources at the given time; this one just really worked for me in my current state. It surely reinforced the joy I feel receiving & DOWN FROM offering such experiences in the midst of immense natural beauty & spiritually charged company.
COMING DOWN FROM THE MOUNTAIN
As I think of returning home, I am looking forward to the challenge of finding my balance and maintaining the silence of equanimity midst the routines of daily life. I like what Vipassana meditation teacher Sharon Salzburg has to say about balance:….”there is an ease that comes that comes with realizing we stumble all the time, lose our balance & fall, and find that there is another tightrope waiting – that mind based in equanimity has space enough to allow for a full range of emotions, and to see around them, or through them, so that everything becomes workable.”
February 9, Full Moon, Monday
Arriving in Phoenix near midnite Thursday, I faced a 2 ½ hr. transport to my daughter’s in the middle of the night instead of the 20 minutes it usually takes. I experienced an overtired and confused shuttle driver, and an unexpected fellow passenger who didn’t know where she was going, and three times lost her cell phone in her purse trying to get directions from her hotel as we drove back & forth across the valley, missing turns, nearly running out of gas ( had to stop & fill up near 2 a.m.), going the exact opposite direction from my destination, when he told me it was on the way. My reaction to the scenario demonstrated the interplay of the elements & Doshas. 81/2 hrs. of flight, & transfers increased vata/wind mightily, and in my case whipped pitta/fire into intensity. I felt the irritation, exasperation, frustration,, impatience & annoyance heating me up. And I expressed them calmly as I could. More important, I was able to observe the whole process with a degree of humor & dispassion which surprised me. After deciding that the driver had lost his tip & even thinking I might refuse to pay the full cost of the ride, I remembered something I read on retreat., written by some rinpoche, or lama:
“When the curtain falls at the end of time and everyone comes back on stage to take their bows, there will be applause. Because each one will have played their part the best way they could at the time.”
I had enacted the part of bitchy passenger, until I regained consciousness of the elemental forces pushing within me, and the driver played the bumbling, incompetent challenge to my Maui – enhanced serenity so that we could each wake up a little bit more. I shared that quote with him as we drove on thru the night nearer to my daughter’s. He stopped apologizing and relaxed, and my impatience faded away . We even laughed together like old friends at the end. That’s when I realized that there is a higher order than the powerful elemental forces at play in our inner & outer environments: there is the Power of Self, an awakened loving consciousness which we can choose at any moment to apply, no matter how the wind is blowing, the water rising, the fire burning, space emptying or earth grounding us. I DO appreciate the understanding doshic theory brings. It enlivens the ability to witness our reactivity from a neutral, perspective, and then interact with the “weather” in a more conscious, balanced manner.
“You got me so inspired about that ” Bliss Station ” you talked about in class today that I thought I would be the
Ayurveda teaches the importance of digestion and assimilation on every level, so while Jeffrey has been on the East coast sharing his Soulful presence with two big groups in Vermont & New York, I have taken some quiet time to absorb the excitement and learnings of recent weeks. Our dear friends and Ayurvedic teachers from Pune, India have once again come and gone, after generously sharing their wisdom and love with so many of us in Coeur d Alene.
